Unfiltered: Happy Birthday To me – 30 never felt so good!

I am officially 30…yikes! That sounds so grown up!

With my 20’s coming to a roaring end, I’ve been reflecting on how much I’ve experienced. This decade has been full of love, heartbreak, births, loss, weddings, friends, graduations, jobs, quits, fights, weight loss, weight gain, tears, belly laughs, self-love, growth, gratitude, acceptance, creativity and most importantly… surrender …to God, to fate, to everything that lies ahead.

It’s crazy…when 20 year-old me pictured myself at 30, I conjured images of an established journalist, married, maybe a child, with years of savings and something seriously grown up… like property?!…(wth even!)

Well…that is not who I am. I may have some elements of this fictitious Zaima that has her shit together, but there are definitely elements that haven’t gone quite to plan, or not to my plan perhaps….

So here are my goals and reflections of what I endeavour to achieve for the next 10 years of my life!

Love

After setting myself the goal last year of actually getting “out there” (eew)…I have learned that low self-esteem and an incredibly shallow pool of acquaintances does not make for a thriving love life! We all know what turn the year took, and trying to find the love of your life in a pandemic is not easy! Last year I came to a very real conclusion…You cannot seek love, it has to find you.

The weird thing is, it turns out that somewhere throughout last year, I found little nuggets of the love that had been missing from my life and guess what …it wasn’t from some tall handsome rugged poet after all…it was from me.

Through my gratitude practices and self-work, I nurtured a very new sense of self love and self-worth…it turns out that this is what I was looking for after all.

Over the years, my inner bully had beaten me down, and I just didn’t believe I was worthy of any attention or love. I was ashamed of myself, of the way I looked and everything that constituted me. Do you know how heavy that baggage is to cart around? Even if someone found me an appealing prospect, I berated them for not having better standards…that is messed up!

I was so depleted of self-love that, had I even found Mr Right, I would have been Miss All Wrong. I was a living metaphor of how NEVER to enter a relationship. Waiting to be given value by anyone who chose me. But I needed to be the one to give myself value, I needed to choose me first.

Going into my 30’s, I choose to see no stigma about being single, or about being in a transitional process. There are so many people I know who entered into hasty marriages without the luxury of being able to work on themselves first, I have that opportunity, and I’m ready to take it.

Friendship

For this upcoming decade, I endeavour to invest in the relationships in my life.

It’s so strange how many friends fall off the radar throughout your 20’s. I was always someone who had a large group of friends. Friends from school, college, incredible friends from University, and all the different jobs I’ve had.

Through my fault entirely, I’ve let go of some amazing people, just because I felt like I was behind…withdrawing from friends inevitably cuts them off…and I’m so guilty of this.

Old friends can’t be made, they are nurtured, and I vow to nurture my existing friendships and relationships and maybe even invest in making some new old friends.

Career

My 20’s saw me take my very first step into journalism, which was my dream from the age of 15! Free concerts, high profile interviews, and the cutting edge of some of the most trending stories. I loved it, but I was always acutely aware that something felt off.

After years of wanting this, I realised, it wasn’t my dream career. I would much rather have a quiet cosy life full of cosy fun, than jet setting around making a name for myself. I’m grateful for that realisation, because it gave me direction. Isn’t that what your 20’s are all about? Finding out who you really are?

I’ve set my goals high for my 30’s and I know I’m going to achieve some super awesome things, and the best part, they’re all going to be on my terms!

In my feels..

Now that I’m actually on the precipice of my 30’s, I realise something…. Time is so arbitrary…

I’m never going to hit a point in my life where I’ve achieved everything I want, and that’s ok. The goal posts will always be moving, that is what growth is all about. We are always a ‘work in progress’, never the finished article…I will continue to guess my way through life and create the most amazing memories with the most amazing people.

They say hindsight is 20:20, looking back, I wouldn’t have done a single thing differently. Here’s to another 10 year of joy, learning and a hell of a lot of fun!